Can you love others before loving yourself?

A tweet caught my attention the other day. At first, it seemed innocent, but upon further thought, I realised that this statement could actually be debated. As a result, here’s my response to this post and my answer to the question “Can you love others before loving yourself?”

Can you love others before loving yourself?

In my opinion, this statement, idea, principle… whatever you want to call it, could be taken one of two ways.

I think it’s possible to agree with this tweet if the “love yourself” part is expanded upon a little more. If “love yourself” means understanding what you deserve and understanding your worth, then I would agree with this 100%.

Can you love others before loving yourself?

I may be incorrect in saying so, as I’m just having the head of a psychology student on, but I think this is what many victims of domestic abuse struggle with. Whether you watch Dr. Phil or documentaries about the subject, you’ll often hear domestic victims becoming so manipulated that they thought it was normal, or that they deserved that treatment, or that their life was of no importance compared to their partners’. These victims had lost the love for themselves. They may have constantly been criticised about their appearance or beaten up for the slightest “mistake.” Do they really know how to love another when their idea of a healthy relationship and love is so skewed?

It takes an understanding of your self-worth to realise that that treatment isn’t what you deserve, you are better than that and how they are treating you. You deserve much much more. Is this maybe what the writer of the tweet had in mind initially?

After real consideration, however, I did see the negative implications of this tweet and that actually it may come across very offensive for many people.

“Love yourself” appeared very direct and with a literal meaning. I then thought that maybe it was talking about self-confidence, high self-esteem, loving your body and other things along those lines. Now I don’t know about you, but I wasn’t completely sure of what link this had with the capability of loving others? Surely loving yourself and loving others isn’t correlated or either mutually exclusive? It’s completely “person dependent.”

Can you love others before loving yourself?

Some people may have issues with their bodies or feel very uncomfortable in their own skin. That doesn’t mean that they can’t love their family? Or love their pets? Or love their partners? There’s no link! There are people with eating disorders that may be unable to be satisfied with their bodies, or unable to eat healthily, but that doesn’t mean they can’t feel the warmth or comfort from being in others’ company or caring for other people?

Similarly, this can apply to any other mental illness. Those with PTSD or depression or bipolar disorder… doesn’t mean there’s nobody they can love? If we go by the statistic that 1 in 4 (or some people say 1 in 3) people will have a mental health illness at some point in their lives, then that’s a lot of single people out there! It’s actually quite an absurd thought! If anything, those who don’t love themselves may love others more simply because of the joy they bring them and how good they make them feel!

What is your interpretation of this tweet? What would your answer to this question be? Let me know in the comments below, it’s an interesting topic!

The Frugal Frenchie x

 

How to survive long distance relationships

Trying to survive long distance relationships can be difficult. If you don’t have the means or time to see each other often, it can really form a strain. My boyfriend and I have had our share of experiences with this and my ex actually lived in France, so I’m hoping these little tips that helped me, can be useful for you too.

Social media

Nowadays, everyone is on social media but there are some particular features that can really help in a relationship. Skype or Facebook calls, in particular, are great, as it allows you to make voice or video calls for free. It’s easy to just chat online, but face to face adds that more personal touch and when you’re feeling down, hearing your partner’s voice can be exactly what you need!

Love letters

Although technology does us a million favours from easing uni research to allowing us to email people from around the world, it has slightly ruined the romance between communication. If you have a penpal, you may understand the excitement of waiting for a letter or the even bigger surprise and receiving an unexpected one! Letters can be a great way to make your partner’s day, especially if there’s a time difference and it means you can’t often communicate “live.”

Talk of the future

I remember when my boyfriend and I were feeling particularly down and in need of company, talking of the future would often cheer us up. Just speaking of plans for next you see each other, or where you would love to go on holiday together etc. If you’re older, then maybe fantasise about where you’d want to get married etc. it really does add that buzz and romance to a relationship.

Learn about each other’s schedule

This might sound a little possessive, but I think it can mean a lot to the other person. It’s like the parent equivalent of “how did X go,” except you’re flattered they remembered and you want to tell them all about it. It’s often hard to do when you’re not living with each other but that little extra effort sure will be appreciated. It’s a very coupley thing to do and it can make your relationship that much stronger!

Doing similar things

You might be thinking “oh no that’s just as sickly as wearing matching clothes,” but it’s actually quite a fun and an engaging idea for you and your partner. Having something you can relate to or motivate each other over, will add a little variety to the everyday conversations and liven things up a bit! It doesn’t have to be a hobby or skill, it could be a joint project or allocating roles for a certain event you have coming up. Be creative and see what you can come up with!

These are just a few ideas of many. Do you use any other tricks? What did you find helpful? Let me know in the comments below!

The Frugal Frenchie x