Can you love others before loving yourself?

A tweet caught my attention the other day. At first, it seemed innocent, but upon further thought, I realised that this statement could actually be debated. As a result, here’s my response to this post and my answer to the question “Can you love others before loving yourself?”

Can you love others before loving yourself?

In my opinion, this statement, idea, principle… whatever you want to call it, could be taken one of two ways.

I think it’s possible to agree with this tweet if the “love yourself” part is expanded upon a little more. If “love yourself” means understanding what you deserve and understanding your worth, then I would agree with this 100%.

Can you love others before loving yourself?

I may be incorrect in saying so, as I’m just having the head of a psychology student on, but I think this is what many victims of domestic abuse struggle with. Whether you watch Dr. Phil or documentaries about the subject, you’ll often hear domestic victims becoming so manipulated that they thought it was normal, or that they deserved that treatment, or that their life was of no importance compared to their partners’. These victims had lost the love for themselves. They may have constantly been criticised about their appearance or beaten up for the slightest “mistake.” Do they really know how to love another when their idea of a healthy relationship and love is so skewed?

It takes an understanding of your self-worth to realise that that treatment isn’t what you deserve, you are better than that and how they are treating you. You deserve much much more. Is this maybe what the writer of the tweet had in mind initially?

After real consideration, however, I did see the negative implications of this tweet and that actually it may come across very offensive for many people.

“Love yourself” appeared very direct and with a literal meaning. I then thought that maybe it was talking about self-confidence, high self-esteem, loving your body and other things along those lines. Now I don’t know about you, but I wasn’t completely sure of what link this had with the capability of loving others? Surely loving yourself and loving others isn’t correlated or either mutually exclusive? It’s completely “person dependent.”

Can you love others before loving yourself?

Some people may have issues with their bodies or feel very uncomfortable in their own skin. That doesn’t mean that they can’t love their family? Or love their pets? Or love their partners? There’s no link! There are people with eating disorders that may be unable to be satisfied with their bodies, or unable to eat healthily, but that doesn’t mean they can’t feel the warmth or comfort from being in others’ company or caring for other people?

Similarly, this can apply to any other mental illness. Those with PTSD or depression or bipolar disorder… doesn’t mean there’s nobody they can love? If we go by the statistic that 1 in 4 (or some people say 1 in 3) people will have a mental health illness at some point in their lives, then that’s a lot of single people out there! It’s actually quite an absurd thought! If anything, those who don’t love themselves may love others more simply because of the joy they bring them and how good they make them feel!

What is your interpretation of this tweet? What would your answer to this question be? Let me know in the comments below, it’s an interesting topic!

The Frugal Frenchie x


How I got my current job

I am so excited to announce that I have a new job! For most of you, this won’t be news to your ears, but I thought I’d talk a little bit about the journey and how I got to my current job!

How I got my current job

For those who haven’t known me long enough, I used to work in a company called Explore Learning, which was a tuition service offering English, Maths and other help to children from 4-14 years old. Although I never disliked it, I felt that it wasn’t possible to continue to teach once I left the UK to study abroad in the Netherlands. They did offer me a holiday contract, which I accepted, but there was actually never enough time to go back. This meant that in June 2017, we mutually decided that it would be a good idea to end my contract.

My plans by that time had started to change, however. I had applied for UCAS and I was in the process of writing my personal statement for a year 2 transfer back to the UK. A month and a bit later, I found out that I got accepted into year 2 of my hometown university, Bournemouth. I was very excited and took it as a sign of fate as other universities either hadn’t got back to me in time or didn’t accept me. Coming back to my hometown means that a lot more opportunities were open up to me; one of them being a new job.

My first point of call was Primark. I’m not sure why maybe I just had a good feeling about it from the start? Maybe I fancied starting something new without realising? I’m not sure, but I went straight to their vacancy website before attempting anything else. I have experience with Primark in the past actually, but not a good one. In 2015, I applied in October for a retail assistant position in the hopes they’d employ me as a Christmas temp (I thought I’d give them time to consider aha). Anyway, they came back to me in January saying that they didn’t need me- which was no surprise by then!

As a result, I had no real expectations when I applied this year, but boy they’ve upped their game! They replied to me in less than 24 hours and I had an interview three days later. From there, I had my induction the next day and by a week after my initial interview, I had already done two shifts! It was so impressive and it all moved so quickly, I think they were extremely professional and I’m thrilled to be there! (And yes, I still stand by this two months later)!

How did you get to your current job? Or are you thinking of changing jobs? Let me know as it’s always an interesting topic!

The Frugal Frenchie x

15 new hobby ideas

The importance of self-care is really being emphasised in today’s society. I absolutely love it and couldn’t encourage it more. We are so often occupied by tasks or social media, that we often don’t take enough time out to just relax and breathe a little. For this reason, I thought I’d put together 15 new hobby ideas for you to try and to give a break from everyday life!

  1. Embroidery

Take a look at this gorgeous piece by Lauren for example. How stunning is this?! You can also see what else she’s embroidered on her Etsy (as well as some other cute art pieces).

15 new hobby ideas

  1. Sew
  2. Knit
  3. Crochet
  4. Write some poetry

With the increased awareness of mental health issues and an increasing number of people speaking out about their experiences, I couldn’t forget to mention Charlene‘s new poetry book: Melancholy Mind. It’s filled with her original poems all about her experiences as well as sections about coping and recovery too.

15 new hobby ideas

(Photo credit goes to Adam)

Poetry can help express your emotions and help you cope with the struggles of life in general, so why not give poetry a go as your new hobby?

  1. Write a story
  2. Start a blog
  3. Gardening
  4. Start a side hustle
  5. Start a collage/scrapbook

An artist that I’m currently loving at the moment is Jemma over at dorkfaceblog. She has an incredible Etsy store filled with prints, paintings and collages as well as sharing her more private artwork on her Instagram. This has to be one of my favourite pieces!15 new hobby ideas

Scrapbooking or collaging is also a great way of reminiscing or preserving memories which can also be a good boost for mental health. Try and forget the negatives and focus on the good times.

  1. Start a diary
  2. DIY project
  3. Redecorate
  4. Start a new sport
  5. Paint

Another artist I am loving (and have actually bought two prints from for later Christmas presents), is Tarnya. She has a really unique style turning our beloved Disney characters (and others) into beautiful, watercolour prints. I personally bought the Marie print and the Monster’s Inc ones and can’t wait to frame them!

15 new hobby ideas

Painting can be so therapeutic, even if it’s just playing with colours and mixing shades. Turn off social media, light a candle, and get those paint brushes out!

What were your favourite hobby ideas? Do you do any of these already? Let me know! xx

The Frugal Frenchie x

5 Must-Read Money Books for Millennials

Today, the lovely lady behind Boost My Budget has given us her favourite money books for millennials. They are all designed to help inform us about money, investing and giving us useful money tips! Take a look and I hope you find them useful!

The Frugal Frenchie x

 Most of us aren’t taught about money in school. But why not?

Chances are you use money every single day. Money – or lack of it – can affect our comfort, stress levels and daily life like nothing else. I’d argue it’s the most important thing you can spend time learning about!

Luckily, there are loads of great books out there that can help you out. Whether you want to learn about budgeting or investing, living with less or earning more, there’s a book that can answer all your questions.

Here’s my pick of five great books to start you off on the right foot.

Broke Millennial: Stop Scraping By and Get Your Financial Life Together by Erin Lowry

If you only read one book about money, make it this. Erin blogs about money over at Broke Millennial, and she’s recently released her first book by the same name.

This one book covers absolutely everything you wanted to know about money but didn’t know who to ask. From personal finance basics such as understanding credit scores and student loans to trickier issues such as awkward money conversations with your partner or asking your boss for a pay rise – it’s all here.

You can read this book cover to cover or keep it as a kind of reference guide to dip in and out of. Also, this book is funny and easy to read. It feels like having an honest chat with a particularly savvy friend.

Millionaire Teacher:The Nine Rules of Wealth You Should Have Learned in School by Andrew Hallam 

Andrew Hallam became a millionaire in his 30s while earning a very normal salary as a teacher. In this book, he explains how you can make your first million too! And no, you don’t have to score a record contract or invent a groundbreaking new tech product. Andrew’s method is based on living simply, saving and investing – a method accessible to anyone, at any age and on any salary.

I often hear people from our age group wondering what’s the point in saving when we don’t seem to earn enough. If that’s you, this book will prove you wrong. Not only will it change your money mindset and explain exactly why you should want to save and invest, it gives you a step-by- step road map to follow.

Hint: Andrew’s recommended form of investing is nothing to do with yelling down the phone at your stock broker like you see in films. It’s called “passive investing” and it takes just an hour of your time… per year.

Even if you’ve never considered investing before, you’ll be itching to open your first account before you even finish this book!

I Will Teach You to Be Rich: No guilt, no excuses – just a 6-week programme by Ramit Sethi

With a title like that, how can you resist! I Will Teach You to Be Rich is a six-week plan to get your financial act together. If you follow the easy steps in each chapter, you’ll go from knowing zero about money to having the best possible bank accounts and credit cards, a plan to pay off debt, a super simple budget, and automated savings and investment accounts.

The best thing is, the plan is designed for lazy people. This book will teach you how to set it and forget it so you can get on with living life, without juggling piles of bills and receipts each month. I Will Teach You to Be Rich is aimed mostly at young professionals with a bit of disposable income – but anyone who reads this book will learn something to improve their finances. It also comes with loads of extras, such as downloadable spreadsheets, scripts for tricky phone calls to the bank, and links to online tools.

There’s a UK edition and a US edition, so make sure you pick up the one that’s most relevant to you.

5 Must-Read Money Books for Millennials

Your Money or Your Life  by Vicki Robin and Joe Dominguez

This is a personal finance classic that will completely change the way you think about money.

Your Money or Your Life came out around 20 years ago but it still feels really fresh and modern to me. It encourages a lifestyle based on simple, frugal living, anti-consumerism and mindfulness. It teaches you to see money in terms of your time and energy and helps you work out your real priorities in life.

This is the book that kicked off a whole movement based on retirement. Yes, there are people who retire early – seriously early, like in their 30s – and it’s possible for you, too! Your Money or Your Life is a must for anyone who feels like money worries rule their life, and wants to embrace a different way of living.

The 4-Hour Work Week: Escape the 9-5, Live Anywhere and Join the New Rich  by Timothy Ferriss

Ok, this isn’t strictly a ‘money book’, but I had to include it because a) it’s brilliant, and b), it will totally change the way you relate to working life – which is basically all about money anyway.

The 4-Hour Work Week will change the way you think about careers, entrepreneurship, and what you’re doing with your life. This is an awesome book for millennials staring down the road of 40+ long years before retirement. It will fire you up and arm you with practical suggestions on how to live a different life.

There are loads of fantastic tips on time management and productivity which will serve you well whether you’re a student, employee or wannabe entrepreneur. It even gives you a step-by- step guide on how to start your own side business.

What do you think of my selection? Do you have any other favourite money books? I’d love to hear your suggestions, let me know in the comments below! Alternatively, you can tweet me at @BoostMyBudget

Earn money by achieving your weight goals

There are lots of ways to motivate yourself to lose weight: for your health, to get into that dream dress, for better self-confidence… A  motivation we don’t often experience for losing weight is a money incentive. In fact, we often spend more trying to lose weight! That’s why today, I’ve decided to tell you of a way you can earn money achieving your weight goals!

Earn money achieving your weight goals

Cue DietBet. The concept is simple; bet on your yourself to lose X amount of weight in Y amount of time or else you lose your money. It’s such a genius way to get everyone motivated!

Once you register, you can choose between two plans: being a “kickstarter” or a “transformer.” For being a kickstarter, you have to lose around 4% of your weight in 4 weeks and for a transformer, 10% of your weight in 6 months. Then all you have to do is place your bet (normally around the 20-30$ mark), submit your starting weight and then get started! You can track your progress throughout too to help keep up your mojo.

DietBet will never share your weight with anybody else as long as you’ve turned that feature on in your profile so make sure to check that! Furthermore, they take what they do very seriously and make sure that there is no cheating. They’ll do this by asking you to submit two photographs and to include a word that they will provide- an idea similar to captcha on websites.

NOTE: this app is a great way to keep you motivated but make sure you stick with it! If you don’t, your bet will be placed in the prize pot for others to win. If you’re absolutely mastering your weight loss journey, however, and manage your goal, you will get a share of the prize pot! Ie. you’ll not only make your money back but also make a profit!

Let me know if you sign up and how you get on!

The Frugal Frenchie x

Get your dream wedding dress for less

I’d like to think I’m quite a frugal person, but there are some things that I’d just have no clue about unless I did some research first. Buying houses, budgeting for kids, and weddings for example. As a result, I thought I would ask my good friend Fiona over at SavvyinSomerset to give us her tips on how to buy your dream wedding dress for less.

The Frugal Frenchie x

Whether you’ve been dreaming of your big day since you were little or are brand new to the world of weddings, there’s one thing every girl needs to get right on her big day: The Dress. In this post I’m going to outline my top tips for getting your dream dress for less. Whether your budget is £100 or £1000 there is always something you can do save a little bit of cash without missing out on your dream wedding look.

Buy Second Hand

If you’ve fallen in love with a designer dress but can’t afford the designer price tag than buying second hand may be worth considering. Remember wedding dresses are often only worn for a few hours – some people even change into a less glamorous (but more comfortable) dress for the evening – so the dress could well be in a like a new condition. They also tend to go for way below the original asking price around 75% off (except for certain designs which hold their value really well such as the recent Disney collection from Alfred Angelo).

It’s always wise to have an appointment at a bridal store to try on some dresses so you get an idea of what shape and style you like –  often people have their heart set on a certain style of dress only to discover it doesn’t actually suit them. If you find a dress you love at a boutique but can’t justify the price, this may be the time to start looking online to see if it’s available second hand.

There are loads of places online to find second-hand wedding dresses the most popular being eBay and Pre-Loved. These are great if you are searching for a particular dress by a specific designer – the downside is that you may not be able to try the dress on, so are taking a bit of a gamble. Also, the condition can vary – if unsure ask for lots of pictures, someone who is genuine should be happy to oblige. 

Local Facebook selling groups are also a great place to look for second-hand dresses – my town has a group dedicated to just wedding buying and selling. The upside of this that is that you should be able to see and possibly try the dress on before purchasing as the person selling is likely to be local to you.

Many charity shops have a Wedding dress section. Oxfam actually has some stores that only sell wedding dresses and nothing else. If you don’t have too specific style in mind and don’t rummaging through some more retro styles this could be a great way to find your dream dress for much, much less money. And of course, whatever you end up spending will be going to a good cause too – it’s win-win.

 Try Wed 2 B

Wed 2 B is the largest bridal retailer in the UK with a whopping 23 stores – all of which are open 7 days a week. While the set up is much less formal than a traditional bridal boutique (where you are usually the only bride trying on dresses) this is offset by the fact ALL dresses are £599 or under. All dresses are also ‘off the peg’ which means you can take the dress home with you on the day, so no waiting around for it to be made.

However, this could also mean you feel extra pressure to buy the dress there and then as you might not be able to find again another day. Make sure you are 100% sure before you buy. Also, don’t forget to factor in the cost of alterations – wedding dresses – especially strapless ones! – need to fit perfectly so even if a dress is your size it may still need adjustments.

 Find a Sample Sale

The way most bridal boutiques work is that they have ‘sample’ dresses that brides try on. When a bride finds a dress she loves her measurements are sent off to the designer and the dress is made to order. This whole process takes around six months and then the dress may still need further alterations once it arrives back to the shop.

As new designs are released each year bridal stores will update their collections and sell off the ‘sample’ of dresses they no longer plan to stock. This means you could get a designer dress for a much smaller price. The dresses are new but will have been tried on, although probably only for a few minutes at a time. They usually only come in one size so again alterations are likely to be required. These dresses are usually considered off the peg and you will be able to them home with you the same day.

Have a dress Tailor Made

Having a dress tailor made by a dress maker or seamstress could work out considerably cheaper than buying a dress from a bridal boutique. This could be a great option if you’re looking for something less traditional – maybe something a bit more colourful or a different style to what would be considered the norm. 

It also means if there is a dress you love the look of but would like to change sightly – such as adding sleeves or straps it’s much easier to do this from scratch than adding to a dress that has already been made. 

Should you buy from China via eBay?

Ah. The elephant in the room. Should you buy a cheap copy of a designer dress for around £100 from China?

In my opinion, the likelihood is that you will disappointed, especially if you’ve been to a boutique and tried on dresses there. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve seen some amazing dresses that come from China and the brides have been very happy. I have also seen some complete horror stories. I guess it depends whether you want to risk your money and how much £100 means to you.

If it goes well you’ve saved yourself a fortune – if it goes badly you’ve lost £100. Remember that items coming from China could well be subject to customs charges and these will need to be paid before HMRC will let you have your items.

Also, don’t be fooled by UK sellers selling lots of dresses at a similar price and specification to Chinese ones – they are simply buying in bulk from China and selling on so it will be the same quality but you may just get your dress a bit faster.

Consider wearing a Bridesmaids Dress

If you’re having a simple wedding or don’t want a big, over-fussy dress it might be worth considering buying a bridesmaids dress instead of a wedding dress. Even some of the most expensive bridesmaids’ dresses are still much cheaper than actual wedding dresses. If you want to hunt out a super bargain, try hitting the department store sales in July and August. This is also a great idea if you don’t plan to wear white or are looking for something a bit less traditional.

I hope these tips help you to find your perfect dress for less – however, there are still a few hidden costs you may want to factor in;

  • If planning to buy a dress online don’t forget to factor in the cost of shipping and possibly dry cleaning in-case the dress isn’t quite in the conditional you would like it to be.

  • Some (not all) Bridal boutiques will charge for an appointment to try on dresses – this will then be deducted from the cost if you end up buying a dress

  • The Bridal boutique I used charged for a dress cover, storage of my dress, insurance and steaming before I collected it. It was around £40 and I thought it was worth it but it’s another cost to be aware of.

  • As mentioned above – be aware of customs charges if ordering a dress from China.

  • Don’t forget to factor in the cost of dress accessories such as hoops and petticoats and a good bra!

Looking to save more your wedding? Check out my post on 5 things that won’t actually save you any cash! 

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